If cyclists ruled the world

If cyclists ruled the world….

1. The only cars allowed on roads would be “support cars”.
2. Other cars would be restricted to special carlanes next to the road which would be full of crap and stones, and holes, and would stop every 100m, at which point cars would have to apologetically pull out into the “cycle road” when there was a gap, before going back to their crummy car lane.
3. Cyclists would often park their bicycles in the “carlanes” making them pointless and encouraging most “car users” to not bother driving anywhere.
4. If the cars pulled out onto the road cyclists would ring their bells aggressively at the car drivers while pointing and saying “there is a carlane you know” in a patronizing tone of voice.
5. There would be no traffic lights, roundabouts or traffic jams because everyone would flow seamlessly along in packs or pairs.
6. Pedestrians would carry cowbells, and other devices and would be required to applaud and cheer every cyclist that went past. All hills would require a mob of pedestrians cheering and encouraging cyclists to reach the top. There would always be at least one pedestrian dressed as a devil.
7. An all-over tan would be considered ugly while having tanned face, forearms and lower legs (but no tan anywhere else) would be considered extremely attractive. Note- people on beaches would wear t-shirts, shorts and finger-less gloves for an extra sexy cyclist’s tan.
8. The words “bags” or “suitcases” etc would be replaced in the dictionary with the word “panniers”.
9. Owning 5 bikes or more would be the height of all status symbols.
10. All shorts in the shops would be padded. All shoes would come with pedal clips built in as standard. And bike helmets would be considered “ghetto”, “street” or just plain cool and would be featured on catwalks around the world.